There were many times during this campaign I almost posted to this blog. Almost, but not quite. Firstly, when Palin was seeming to gain ground with a certain section of the American electorate. For someone who found the choice an even split between laughable and insulting, I was shocked to see not everyone agreed with me. I began a draft of a post about how someone can be created from thin air (I began again months later with Joe the Plumber), but something held me back. And soon, America became less and less enchanted with Caribou Barbie every time she opened her mouth, so the point seemed moot.
I almost posted when I saw a news report that Polar Bears are resorting to cannibalism. What did this have to do with the election? Besides the obvious ties to failed environmental policies (or lack thereof), it also seemed an apt metaphor. Again, however, I could not write.
I nearly posted an end-of-days suggestion to the readers of this blog before McCain began to slip in the polls. What if every Obama supporter – should McCain win – purchase a one-way ticket out of the country the day after the election? Would the message be clear then?
I wanted to post after the four debates, pointing out the difference in the candidates’ “performances.” As an actor, this happens to be my specialty, telling when someone is not selling a character: they blink a lot (McCain), they seem to physically seize when the script won’t come to them (McCain), they forget the power of their voice, resorting to monotonic incantations resembling a parrot (McCain), and, finally, they break the one cardinal rule of good acting: listening (Palin). Yet, even here, where I truly felt I had something to contribute, I did not. Could not. And this bothered me.

But all throughout yesterday, I began to understand why. I was too cynical. I awoke yesterday morning excited in ways I had not been in a very long time. I filled out my voter booklet, and walked to my polling station, enjoying the warm California morning. I didn’t begrudge a minute of the twenty I spent in line, and I made sure to punch my ballot extra hard, even making the table quiver each time I pressed down. I handed my ballot to the black female volunteer, thanked her for her service, and walked back home, smiling and nodding to everyone I passed. Then, the strangest thing happened: I fell back asleep. For an hour and a half. My excitement had exhausted me. When I awoke, I began preparing for an election party I was hosting. I printed out Obama quotes and passages from “The Audacity of Hope” and hung them up around the house. I copied electoral maps and had my friends guess which states would go red or blue respectively. I made hot dogs and put out the leftover American Halloween candy. Yet, even with all my excitement, I still did not believe he could win.
Then, almost immediately after 8PM PST, the news came in: it was over. And it was just beginning.
We were not prepared for this. I mean, we’d started the party at 7, convinced we’d be up until 4 or 5 in the morning. And McCain conceded and Obama spoke and the faces of the people in the Chicago crowd said it all. And then, a good friend of ours came to our door, running late from a night class for his masters in Academic Counseling. He is sixty years old; he is from Norristown, PA; and he is black. His look of surreal disbelief, of a lifetime of promises come due, jolted me. On the couch he joined his wife, an Argentinean by birth who just became a citizen this year. This was her first election, not only in the US but anywhere, as she left Argentina before she was legally allowed to vote. For so many people, this was personally a watermark election; for our country, it was a victory over cynicism.

I know this because I am cynical. I come from a long line of Irish politicians, and my cynicism is a result of both nature and nurture. In short, I’m the cynic people like Oprah and Rick Warren just walk away from. Sure I donated money and time to the election, but the cold hard truth is I never donated my heart. Because I was sure we were going to get kicked in the head again and I didn’t think I could survive it. Many people don’t understand this sentiment from young people. “What could you possibly know about cynicism, about disappointment?” Well, eight years of Bush – our most formative years, mind you – will do that. And before him? There was Clinton, who was a president to be proud of, who was simultaneously accessible and inspiring; but Clinton’s “betrayal” (as pointless and irrelevant as it may seem now) came at a time when people my age were just learning about moral matters and the insidiousness of lies. To be disappointed at fourteen, and then have that followed up by eight years of frustration is essentially the recipe for cynicism. But this election has proved something to me. And now I’m blogging because I have something to say that needs to be immortalized in print. I am blogging, selfishly, because I want a record of this moment, a standard to hold myself to in the future when Obama does something to disappoint me, and the Republicans win another election, no matter when that may be: I am done with cynicism.

I’m all about realism, and pragmatism, and a healthy dose of skepticism every now and then, but cynicism and me, we’re through. Cynicism is an insidious mistress because it cannot be contained. One cannot simply be cynical about politics, or, I don’t know, vegetarianism exclusively. If one is cynical, one is cynical about politics, AND vegetarianism, AND humanism, AND, most regrettably, love. This is what I feel Obama’s victory has restored in me, a sense that all is possible, whether it happens or not. That’s the mistake of cynicism: it confuses probability with inevitability.
And my newfound faith is not based on intangibles or abstract self-delusion, but on facts: the tears of pride last night in the eyes of Jesse Jackson and my friend who never thought they’d see this day; in the celebrations around the globe among people who still see America as the city on the hill, even if we no longer saw ourselves that way; in the cries and horn honks that filled the streets of LA and other cities sometime after 8PM last night; in – as ridiculous as this may sound – the facebook statuses of friends who are just as disbelieving and proud as I; and especially in the way my 83 year-old grandfather’s voice broke when he joked to me last night that he can finally pull his American flag out of storage and fly it – and his admission that he never thought he’d live to see it wave outside his house again.
Well, it IS waving again, and proudly. And last night, with the Santa Ana’s blowing winds of change across the Southland, I fell asleep to the faint sound of the flagpole down the street clanking. A sound that used to annoy me now ushered me into a dreamscape; one that I wasn’t sorry to wake up from this morning.

You are right, perhaps, to scold me for getting carried away with language, and I was basing my statement on something I witnessed in one small place, New Hampshire. But there I did see an unusual cross-section of people pouring into the polls, who gave us every indication that they were voting for Obama. And Obama’s percentage of the popular vote is not at all as dire as you say. Even in Reagan’s landslide, he won only 58.8% of the vote. In 1988, Bush= 53.4%. Clinton won 43%. Obama has won more of the popular vote than any Democratic candidate since LBJ trounced Barry Goldwater.

Who is gloating? I am excited. Obama faces an almost insurmountable task. What a horrendous time to become president. I am talking about each of taking responsibility to create the much needed change. I see this as an opportunity to get off our high horses and down to work.

And about the horror of politicians. Yeah. I hear you. I’m lucky enough to come from a state that is proud of its Senators Leahy and Sanders and Congressman Welch (and before that Jim Jeffords and Robert Stafford). If it can happen here, it can happen elsewhere. Dems did pick up seats.

There’s bad everywhere. And good. I’m turning towards the good.

bg

“If a country as divided and diverse as ours can come together like this”

? Huh? We came together? When Obama only won 52% of the popular vote? That means that nearly half of the country did not get the president they wanted – or the values they agree with in power. I said this in 2000 & 2004, and I say it now – winning a slight majority in politics is not a good win. It is a cause for deep concern.

And I’m looking through Google News, and it seems like a majority of all congressional incumbents won their seat. How is that change?

We should rejoice at the history that was made, but even the history maker himself accepted the victory with humility and somberness. What really saddens me is that so may people that gnashed their teeth at the Republicans for gloating in 2000 & 2004 are now gloating even worse.

I used to publicly say that I was pretty independent, but would admit that Democrats had better character than Republicans in general. I repent of that generalization – I have seen bad in both parties. And some good…. but that seems to be decreasing on both fronts. Take, for instance, how the Democrats are still pointing fingers at the Bush administration for the recession, when 20/20 clearly called them out a few weeks ago and proved how Democratic economic policies actually caused the recession. Democratic policies pushed by the current Congress (and Bush, sadly) – the majority of whom are still in power.

Once again, I am happy with Obama, but still very sickened by both Democrats and Republicans in general. I won’t judge individuals based on their party line. But I also pray that the Democrats will actually learn from their leader. But true change will come in this country when we finally get rid of our sad two-party system.

I really, really, truly hope that Obama can do what no president has done in a couple of decades and get Congress to start making better decisions. To quote Mulder: I want to believe. I am just afraid they are going to do what they did in the last four years, screw everything up, and then heap the blame on the president (Bush was messing up enough without the help of Congress). That means we will be right back here again in 4 years with a new president and another round of renewed hope.